Everyone has their do good, do safe, do do lists for kids on Halloween. It’s no wonder Halloween isn’t like it used to be, because it isn’t like it used to be.
Here are Wally’s 15 guidelines for real Halloween fun.
1. Leave your parents at home
2. Wear costumes that cover your face. You won’t be identified.
3. You can carry more candy if you don’t carry a flashlight.
4. Reflective clothing is for dweebs.
5. Take two bags. Stash the full one in the bushes and take the empty one to the door. You’ll get more sympathy candy.
6. Trick or Treat in unfamiliar neighborhoods
7. If you’re a little kid, watch out for the big ones, they’ll steal your loot.
8. If you’re a big kid, watch out for the little ones, you can steal their loot.
9. Refuse to take any candy but the best. Tell them to get good stuff next year.
10. Taste all candy on the spot, if you don’t like it toss it, don’t carry it.
11. If they don’t have enough spirit to buy the good candy then are just asking for you to smash their pumpkins. Don’t let them down.
12. If you live in a small area, get 2 or 3 costumes. When you finish tricking or treating, don a new costume and start over again.
13. Split up your candy and only show a small amount to your parents.
14. Save a few token favorites to buy some parental good will.
15. Sneak back out an get more.